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Taser! Taser! Council Parking Tsar Cllr Not-So Bright To Weaponize Wardens

In the job  for just 3 days Labour’s rising Cabinet star, councillor  Kristian Not-So Bright has unveiled  radical plans to turnaround the fortunes of TDCs deeply  troubled parking service by transforming it into a huge corporate cash cow.


But fist the Tsar must overome the obstacles of low pay and the abuse, threats and physical attacks faced by traffic wardens  which deter many people from taking the job.


Only recently it was reported that because of worries about personal safety, there were just three wardens for the whole of Thanet, causing the council to lose tens of thousands  in unpaid parking fees and potential fines for non payment every week.


To sort out these problems Not-So Bright is proposing to introduce an incentive scheme of up to 200% of basic pay caluclated on  the number of parking tickets issued by a warden. This could increase a wardens pay to over £800 a week.


Already some of the  highest parking fees in the country, Not- So Bright also proposes a £7.00 per hour charge for all seafront car parking. A price well-heeled London day trippers can easily afford and which will also help to fund more and better paid wardens.  


Whilst  such generous financial inducement might increase warden numbers, the biggest obstacle to recruitment remains personal safety. Thankfully  Parking Tsar Not-So Bright has the answer. All parking wardens will be issued with Tasers, pepper sprays, and telescopic truncheons plus training in deadly martial arts, and the best quality protective clothing, giving them the upper hand in disgreement with the public.


To further protect wardens in confrontational parking situtations special backup snatch squads will patrol seafront parking areas in police style riot vans emblazonned with TDC logos and other frightening visuals.


The squads will have the authority to use unreasonable force to overpower, bring down, restrain and detain bolshie car parkers who should show more respect to hard working public servants such as parking wardens. "In the van for a beating you schlaag" may soon become a seafront refrain just as common as seagull calls this summer.


“A tough, well equipped, paramiltiary style, no-nonsense warden service, with a generous more tickets more pay wage inventive will, I am sure, terrorise vistors into paying their parking fees. It will also attract hundreds of civically minded parking warden recruits who want to do the right thing for Thanet” said  Not So-Bright.


“Just like Dover’s  new Labour MP  Natalie Elphicke’s get tough policy on immigration  I am, as Thanet’s Parking Tsar, determined to get tough with the hundreds of thousands Daytripper’s who visit Thanet every year".


"We might not be able to clobber second homes or Air BnB owners to grab some extra cash, but daytippers are the next best taget for fleecing people" he added.

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